Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
