Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
