Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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