Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
