just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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