It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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