Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
