he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
