so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
