I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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