tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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