these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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