Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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