It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
