There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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