I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
