I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
