I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
