try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
