i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
