She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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