i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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