Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
