In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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