32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
