It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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