Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
