the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
