sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
