I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
