i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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