You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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