he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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