I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
