He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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