I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
