Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
