They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
