So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
