Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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