Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
