This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize