Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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