My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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