Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
