his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
