no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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