Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
