The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
