He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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