Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize