If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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