the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
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Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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