i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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