I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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