I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
