fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
