fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
