I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
