my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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