I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
