Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
