he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
