Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
