sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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