going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize