Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
