Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
