He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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