Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
