Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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